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5 Stages of Grief and Loss – Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

May 31, 2019 By Angie Leave a Comment

Click here to download a Free Printable PDF of The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss.


A friend died. It was sudden, unexpected and inexplicable. It sent shockwaves through our families, who have strong ties.

Her great grandmother and my grandfather were siblings. Her father, Piero, and my father are close friends. Here in Italy, we share the hillside where our ancestors were born. Piero turned my grandparent’s old stable into a lovely cottage, a weekend retreat for the family. We keep the old Osteria from falling down. Fiorenzo and Piero are a good team up there. They work well together, keeping the grass low and the woods safe. It’s a beautiful place. That’s where it happened.

Monte di Calvene, Veneto, Italia

We’re reeling with grief.

I can’t imagine the pain of her family, her intimate circle.

I can’t touch upon that of her close friends and collegues, her social groups, the people who saw her every day and shared the years.

We didn’t have that kind of relationship. Our connection was that of two families with strong ties, who share a hillside, and a bit of history, and every springtime and summer, a carpark where we’d chat and catch up while our dogs barked like mad. This is how I’ll remember Francesca: in shorts, a singlet top and walking shoes, healthy and tanned, her huge smile and loving eyes.

We’d catch up, and then she’d head off up the hill to their cottage. Peace. Nature. A little bit of paradise. Maybe her father would be up there, or her sons. Maybe she’d spend time on her own.

So, no, I can’t claim closeness. But the grief is intense, and what hurts is the whole of it. It’s like some great collective weeping when I think of the sadness all around. Knowing that my father’s shoulders are heavy and his tears are streaming for the suffering of his friend. Knowing that my mother can’t think of anything else. For my brother, trying to get his head around it. For my sisters, reaching out, for our mutual friends.

It’s an overlapping of pain. An expansion, an implosion, a wave. It’s mine and it’s everyone’s, all at the same time. A community of grief that can’t alleviate the suffering, but wants to, and this, somehow, is comforting.

Ah, yes, it hurts, this loss of our friend.

This springtime and summer will be… different. We’ll sit on our hillside and look down on the valley as we’ve always done, but it’ll be different. Day by day, we’ll come to terms with our loss, and choose our memories.


The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss

By strange coincidence, a few days before Francesca’s death, I’d been reminded of the “5 Stages of Grief” as proposed by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying (1969). Through her work with terminally ill patients, Kubler-Ross observed that people typically confront the emotional states of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance as they come to terms with their death. 

Over the years, the “5 Stages of Grief” model expanded to include not just one’s own death, but any significant personal loss. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job or home, the end of a relationship or divorce, for example, can trigger this mix of emotions.

In her later life, Kubler Ross regreted that she’d used the term “stages” which imply a linear and progressive journey and result in a state of completion. People process things differently. 

Matthew Remski, the author of the book I was reading, chose the term “response” rather than “stage”.

“Kubler-Ross’s term is “stages”. I’m using “responses” here because the claim that grief follows a staged and orderly arc is contested in clinical psychology, and because the model of stages suggests that those who move through more of them are either more mature or more healed”.

The model has been criticised for it’s lack of empirical research and for being culturally specific.

But, nonetheless, it has persisted and continues being referenced, which seems to indicate that people – at least of our own place and time – find truth in it, and reassurance as they deal with difficult emotions.

In the hours after hearing about Francesca’s death, I saw clearly how my body/brain had in fact swirled into and through denial and anger. Then – not so much bargaining – but questioning: What could we have done differently? Was there something that we didn’t notice, anything we could have done?

As I write this now, I’m depressed, and so sad. It’s okay. I know that it’s right and natural to feel this way. It’s part of the process, and it’ll shift into acceptance in it’s own good time.

Moving towards that place will be like summertime in our hills: there’ll be sunshine, rainbows, and storms.


Free Printable: The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Click here to download a Free Printable PDF of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s “5 Stages of Grief”.


Notes

The book I was reading was Practice and All is Coming: Abuse, Cult Dynamics and Healing in Yoga and Beyond, Matthew Remski, 2019.

The notes about the 5 Stages of Grief have been taken from Wikipedia, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and the Kübler-Ross Model.


More About Healing

And then this friend said to me, over coffee, ‘You need to forgive.’

‘What?’. Oh man, I’ve done so much forgiving. ‘Who?’

‘You need to forgive yourself,’ he said. ‘For being powerless in this situation.’

Stop. Right. There. Like, what, in the name of God, does that mean?

Healing and the Art of Self Acceptance

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Hi, I'm Angie. Thanks for popping by. I'm here to help you say goodbye to allergies, reduce inflammation and lose weight... naturally and forever. Scout around the website, there's loads of information. And when you're ready to make real, sustainable changes, get in touch and I'll talk you through my Primal Health Coaching programs. You don't have to live with the pain - trust me. Been there, done that, I know. I'm looking to meeting you, and I look forward to helping you live a much healthier, happier life.

Need help reaching your health and wellness objectives? Call Me for Coaching!

Angelina Brazzale is a certified Primal Health Coach. She cna help you reach your goals of health and vitality through evolutionary diet and lifestyle practices.

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WHAT’S NEW ON PALEOMANTIC

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  • Rocket, Parmesan and Balsamic Salad with Strawberries
  • 5 Stages of Grief and Loss – Elizabeth Kübler-Ross
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  • Chocolate Coconut Rough – 4 Ingredients, Easy, No Bake

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I’m neither a doctor nor a nutritionist, but, as a Primal Health Coach, I can work in collaboration with them.  I’m a person with a passion for health, food and learning, and I want to share my findings with you. All opinions expressed here are my own. Be sure to seek the supervision of a licensed healthcare professional before making changes to your diet or prescription medications.

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Instagram post 2193106748169072810_2122139797 DEAR SANTA, WHAT I’D LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS IS... Last night my friend, Giada @thealchemicgarden said that she’s asked her folks for an Instant Pot for Christmas. Oh, yay! 
That’s such a great thing to have on your wish list because it makes cooking nutrient dense food (like bone broth) so much easier & the ease means it’s also great for stress management!

If you could ask Santa (or your folks!) for one thing that will help you live in a healthier way, every day - what would it be? A stand-up desk? A year’s supply of collagen peptides or Omega 3 Oil? A subscription to yoga classes or a month with a Health Coach?

Let us know in the comments so we can all be inspired.

Oh - if you want the recipe for these super lovely Christmas Cut Out Cookies, here’s the link: https://www.paleomantic.com/christmas-cut-out-cookies-with-almonds-honey-and-spice/ 🥰

#christmaswishlist #christmascookies #christmasrecipes #christmascountdown2019 #paleocookies #paleochristmas #paleorecipes #glutenfreechristmas #glutenfreerecipes #glutenfreecookies #yourhealthmatters #womenover40 #womenover50 #beinspired #healthychoices #beyourbest
Instagram post 2191735457856087847_2122139797 C’MON, SWEET, THE DAYS ARE PASSING & YOU’VE GOT A LOT ON! There’s the the Christmas shopping, the menu to plan, the baking, the hair & beauty appointments, the Christmas cards, the drinks, the parties... let alone the normal life administration, daily chores, the family to organize, house to clean... HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT ALL DONE without becoming frazzled?

Okay, slow done. Stop. Take a deep breath & let the exhale out real slow. Do it a few times. Then... 1. Put things away. All the time.
Don’t let mess accumulate, declutter constantly.
2. Clean in small bursts. Set the timer for 15 minutes then go for your life. (Housework counts as daily movement and exertion!).
3. Make a list, mentally map where you need to go & what you need to do &
4. Meditate for 10 minutes (or more),
release tension, open into a space of trust that everything will flow... it will!
5. Delegate. Ask for help. Make agreements. Don’t think people can read your mind.
6. Keep your carb intake low, sugar very low, ditch fried & processed foods, save the alcohol for the social situations. Eat real, fresh food, quality protein & healthy fats.
7. No caffeine after midday so you’ll sleep well. Go to bed early.
8. A little bit of pampering every day: rub moisturizer into your heels!
9. Avoid the shops. Seriously. What can you recycle, re-give, create & make?
10. ..... This one’s for you... What are your Low Stress Strategies for this time of year?

#stressmanagement #christmasstress #stressfree #stressfreezone #stressfreeliving #womenshealth #womenover40 #womenover50 #stressrelief #meditatedaily #yourhealthmatters #healthylifestyle #stressbuster #loveyourself #ibelieveinyou
Instagram post 2190856878205004568_2122139797 GIRL, I HEAR YOU. YOU’RE AT THE DESK ALL DAY, most days, and by mid morning that familiar ache in your shoulders has already begun. It runs down into your forearms and your lower back hurts. When you get up out of your chair you’re stiff & have to move a little slowly. “Oh, Lord!”, you’re thinking. “I’m only ...( enter your age) - and I’m already moving like an old woman.” I know, I know. I’m at the desk most days as well. And I know the exhaustion of chronic pain. But I’ve also learnt how to relieve it!

1. Follow a low-inflammatory diet - link in bio for loads of recipes.

2. Lots of fun, full body movements throughout the day. Get out of the chair, get the arms moving in sweeping motions, do hip rotations while you’re talking on the phone, keep the joints lubricated. Dance to music inside your brain!

3.Sleep! Switch off the devices & hit the sack early. Dream.

4. Connect with the ones you love & the things you love doing. Like, really make time for those people & things. And connect with nature.

5. Be Smart. You matter, your health matters, but it’s not going to happen on it’s own. Make wise choices & do them often enough that health becomes your default setting. ❤️ #womenover40 #womenover50 #yourhealthmatters #youareworthit #selfcare #healthychoices #justmove #movemore #movementismedicine #dancelikenooneswatching #primalhealthcoach #healthcoach #liveawesome #chronicpainrelief #arthritisrelief #inflammation
Instagram post 2190140004483953743_2122139797 IT WOULD BE A LIE to say I only bake these at Christmas time. To be honest, the only time I we don’t have them in the tin is mid summer when it’s too hot to turn the oven on. 
They’re fantastic. If you click through for the recipe (link in bio, poke around under Recipes:Snacks) you’ll see they call for Chestnut Flour, but just sub for ground almonds if you like. And go the distance - use a full 100g block of Lindt chocolate, 85%min cacao. 
Let me know how much you love them!

#chocolatechipcookies #glutenfreerecipes #glutenfreecookies #glutenfreechristmas #lowinflammationdiet #glutenfree #healthyrecipes #healthychoices #eatwelllivewell #refinedsugarfree #diabeticrecipes #cookiesofinstagram #healthyanddelicious
Instagram post 2189482199615688824_2122139797 ADVENT CALENDAR DAY 1. FRIENDS, What surprise are you going to pull out of that little box or pocket? How are you going to start building that wonderful anticipation for Christmas?

Does it have to be with something sugary & sweet? Does it have to be with food? Can you fill that space with something else? Can you reinvent symbols & meanings & stories?

Yes! Of course you can. You’re the driver of your chariot. Girl, you’ve got the reins in your hand!

Fill those empty spaces inside you with positive actions & affirmations, with healing rites & self love. Let them be small steps towards your highest potential.

What act of self care will you do for yourself today?

#primalhealthcoach #healthcoach #selfcare #selflove #adventcalendar #christmasadvent #healing #heal #healthy #ibelieveinyou #youcandoit #lookafteryourself #loveyourself #loveyourbody #sugarfreeliving #stressmanagement #painrelief #chronicpain #womenover40 #womenover50 #yourhealthmatters
Instagram post 2188751716116112233_2122139797 SWEET AND SOUR LAMB, RECIPE BELOW! It’s pre- Instant Pot, hence the heavy cast iron pot. Now, I’d probably do it on the Slow Cooker IP function. It’s so simple, easy ingredients, everyone loves it & you keep coming back to it. 
The photo of the mountain dairy is like where we bought the lamb. And that’s Roxy, of course, head out the window, on the way up! 
Ingredients
* 2 tablespoons olive oil
* 1 onion sliced
* 750 g lamb on the bone
* ¾ cup water
* ¼ cup red wine, or red wine vinegar
* 1 medium tomato, cubed
* 1 tablespoon muscovado or coconut sugar
* 1 generous tablespoon pinenuts, toasted
* 1 generous tablespoon sultanas
* salt and pepper to taste

Instructions
1. Heat 1 tb olive oil in a pan & fry onion until very soft. Remove the onion.
2. Add the rest of the oil & brown the lamb pieces on all sides.
3. Add the onion, lamb, wine or vinegar, tomato, sugar & water to a heavy cast iron pot.
4. Season with salt and pepper, bring to a simmer, and cover with the lid.
5. Simmer with the lid on for 1 hour.
6. Add the pinenuts & sultanas, and simmer uncovered for another 30 minutes or until all the liquids have reduced.
7. Buon appetito!

#paleorecipes #paleodiet #lamb #sweetandsour #lowcarbrecipes #highfatlowcarb #primaldiet #healthyrecipes #healthyeating #homecooking #homecookedmeals #healwithfood #letfoodbethymedicine #lowinflammationdiet #diabeticrecipes #diabeticfood #painfreeliving
Instagram post 2187252111096622215_2122139797 HEY THERE LOVELY! I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKYOU for all the ways that you make life fabulous. For all the times we’ve laughed over the silliest things. For dancing in clubs, in kitchens, under the big sky. For gorgeous meals cooked up & shared. For heart-to-hearts warmed up with red wine. For delving deep into books, art, health & happiness. Death & loneliness. The mystery of It All. For celebrating the rites of passage. For all the blessed and brilliant ways of loving. THANKYOU. Life wouldn’t be the same without you. ❤️ #thanksgiving #thanksgiving2019 #thankyou #thanks #gratitude #expressyourlove #givethanks #lovelovelove #besties #gratitudeattitude #celebratethelittlethings #celebratelife #fabulouslife #qualitylife #connection #celebratefriendship
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PALEOMANTIC

Hi there, I'm Angie.

My man, Fiorenzo, and I plunged into Paleo in September 2014. It wasn't easy - I'd been vegetarian for several years, so the animal protein component of Paleo was challenging. But we had nothing to lose. Our various health issues were chronic and debilitating. We'd tried everything, with no answers. Paleo was amazing. After just 12 days Fiorenzo renounced the pharmaceutical he'd been taking for 4 and a 1/2 years, and lost 35 pounds. My inflammation has decreased to the point where I no longer need painkillers and anti-inflammatories.

We live in Northern Italy. He plays trumpet. I teach yoga and meditation. We're passionately Paleo and a little romantic, thus: Paleomantic.

My goal is to help you on your road to health and happiness through sharing all I know about the Paleo Diet and Lifestyle. Welcome! Read More…

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