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5 Stages of Grief and Loss – Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

May 31, 2019 By Angie Leave a Comment

Click here to download a Free Printable PDF of The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss.


A friend died. It was sudden, unexpected and inexplicable. It sent shockwaves through our families, who have strong ties.

Her great grandmother and my grandfather were siblings. Her father, Piero, and my father are close friends. Here in Italy, we share the hillside where our ancestors were born. Piero turned my grandparent’s old stable into a lovely cottage, a weekend retreat for the family. We keep the old Osteria from falling down. Fiorenzo and Piero are a good team up there. They work well together, keeping the grass low and the woods safe. It’s a beautiful place. That’s where it happened.

Monte di Calvene, Veneto, Italia

We’re reeling with grief.

I can’t imagine the pain of her family, her intimate circle.

I can’t touch upon that of her close friends and collegues, her social groups, the people who saw her every day and shared the years.

We didn’t have that kind of relationship. Our connection was that of two families with strong ties, who share a hillside, and a bit of history, and every springtime and summer, a carpark where we’d chat and catch up while our dogs barked like mad. This is how I’ll remember Francesca: in shorts, a singlet top and walking shoes, healthy and tanned, her huge smile and loving eyes.

We’d catch up, and then she’d head off up the hill to their cottage. Peace. Nature. A little bit of paradise. Maybe her father would be up there, or her sons. Maybe she’d spend time on her own.

So, no, I can’t claim closeness. But the grief is intense, and what hurts is the whole of it. It’s like some great collective weeping when I think of the sadness all around. Knowing that my father’s shoulders are heavy and his tears are streaming for the suffering of his friend. Knowing that my mother can’t think of anything else. For my brother, trying to get his head around it. For my sisters, reaching out, for our mutual friends.

It’s an overlapping of pain. An expansion, an implosion, a wave. It’s mine and it’s everyone’s, all at the same time. A community of grief that can’t alleviate the suffering, but wants to, and this, somehow, is comforting.

Ah, yes, it hurts, this loss of our friend.

This springtime and summer will be… different. We’ll sit on our hillside and look down on the valley as we’ve always done, but it’ll be different. Day by day, we’ll come to terms with our loss, and choose our memories.


The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss

By strange coincidence, a few days before Francesca’s death, I’d been reminded of the “5 Stages of Grief” as proposed by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying (1969). Through her work with terminally ill patients, Kubler-Ross observed that people typically confront the emotional states of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance as they come to terms with their death. 

Over the years, the “5 Stages of Grief” model expanded to include not just one’s own death, but any significant personal loss. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job or home, the end of a relationship or divorce, for example, can trigger this mix of emotions.

In her later life, Kubler Ross regreted that she’d used the term “stages” which imply a linear and progressive journey and result in a state of completion. People process things differently. 

Matthew Remski, the author of the book I was reading, chose the term “response” rather than “stage”.

“Kubler-Ross’s term is “stages”. I’m using “responses” here because the claim that grief follows a staged and orderly arc is contested in clinical psychology, and because the model of stages suggests that those who move through more of them are either more mature or more healed”.

The model has been criticised for it’s lack of empirical research and for being culturally specific.

But, nonetheless, it has persisted and continues being referenced, which seems to indicate that people – at least of our own place and time – find truth in it, and reassurance as they deal with difficult emotions.

In the hours after hearing about Francesca’s death, I saw clearly how my body/brain had in fact swirled into and through denial and anger. Then – not so much bargaining – but questioning: What could we have done differently? Was there something that we didn’t notice, anything we could have done?

As I write this now, I’m depressed, and so sad. It’s okay. I know that it’s right and natural to feel this way. It’s part of the process, and it’ll shift into acceptance in it’s own good time.

Moving towards that place will be like summertime in our hills: there’ll be sunshine, rainbows, and storms.


Free Printable: The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Click here to download a Free Printable PDF of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s “5 Stages of Grief”.


Notes

The book I was reading was Practice and All is Coming: Abuse, Cult Dynamics and Healing in Yoga and Beyond, Matthew Remski, 2019.

The notes about the 5 Stages of Grief have been taken from Wikipedia, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and the Kübler-Ross Model.


More About Healing

And then this friend said to me, over coffee, ‘You need to forgive.’

‘What?’. Oh man, I’ve done so much forgiving. ‘Who?’

‘You need to forgive yourself,’ he said. ‘For being powerless in this situation.’

Stop. Right. There. Like, what, in the name of God, does that mean?

Healing and the Art of Self Acceptance

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Hi, I'm Angie. Thanks for popping by. I'm here to help you say goodbye to allergies, reduce inflammation and lose weight... naturally and forever. Scout around the website, there's loads of information. And when you're ready to make real, sustainable changes, get in touch and I'll talk you through my Primal Health Coaching programs. You don't have to live with the pain - trust me. Been there, done that, I know. I'm looking to meeting you, and I look forward to helping you live a much healthier, happier life.

Need help reaching your health and wellness objectives? Call Me for Coaching!

Angelina Brazzale is a certified Primal Health Coach. She cna help you reach your goals of health and vitality through evolutionary diet and lifestyle practices.

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I’m neither a doctor nor a nutritionist, but, as a Primal Health Coach, I can work in collaboration with them.  I’m a person with a passion for health, food and learning, and I want to share my findings with you. All opinions expressed here are my own. Be sure to seek the supervision of a licensed healthcare professional before making changes to your diet or prescription medications.

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Recipe! Make ahead meals. Take away meals. "I'm ha Recipe! Make ahead meals. Take away meals. "I'm having trouble with food preparation." "I leave home at 4.30am. What can I have for breakfast, instead of a brioche?". These two questions, yesterday.

👏 Egg & Bacon Muffins are one of the easiest, best, healthiest & tastiest things you can make in advance. They're easy to pack & don't require cutlery. Pack them with whatever: spinach, pre-cooked pumpkin, cauliflower. Quality protein from the eggs, healthy saturated fat from the bacon, goodness from the vegetables. Filling, sustaining, nourshing.

The second image? Made by my neice, the amazing @mekenq , science witch extraordinary.

⭐️ My Top Tip: use Silicon Muffin Moulds. If you use paper, they'll stick.

🐝 To download, poke around under "Recipes" on the Blog.

Makes 6
🥄 5 eggs | 3 rashers bacon | 1/4 cauliflower | 1 cup fresh parsely, chives, thyme

1. Preheat oven to 180°C/ 360°F. Grease 6 large silicon muffin moulds & place them on a baking tray.
2. Lightly beat the eggs with a pinch of salt. Cut the bacon into 1cm cubes. Finely chop the cauliflower so that you have 1 cup of 'rice'. Mince the fresh herbs.
3. Place the bacon & cauliflower into a frypan. Sautè over a medium heat until fat is released & cauliflower has softened, about 5 mins. Take off  heat & allow to cool slightly. Add minced herbs, stir to combine. Spoon into muffin moulds.
4. Pour over the beaten egg, stopping a little before reaching the top.
5. Bake 40 minutes or until puffed up & golden. Remove from oven. They'll shrink a little as they cool.

Store in an airtight container in the fridge & consume within a couple of days.

🙋🏻‍♀️
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If you're over 40 & realising that health issues - If you're over 40 & realising that health issues - bloating, acid reflux, joint pain, aching fascia - aren't just not improving but they're getting worse, then listen to that. Mid 40's, in my experience & observation, is when the digestive, immune & nervous systems start freaking out.

They've been working away for years to protect you & now they're exhausted & confused. So are you. Because you've seen doctors & specialists who've tagged your symptoms with an umbrella term, such as #fibromyalgia but they haven't been able to answer your big questons:

😢 What's causing the pain?
😢 How can I heal, naturally?

They've prescribed anti-inflammatories, painkillers, possibly glycine... but you want to get to the heart of the matter. What's going on?

That was me in 2014, crippled by pain & with an immune system gone haywire. I got researching & figured I had 2 choices. Either

🤔 Develop an autoimmune disease & be dependant on pharms for life or
🤔 Try the Paleo Diet & Lifestyle

They - the thought leaders & ordinary people who filled my screen - said to try it for 30 days. So we did. Everything changed.

What we discovered is that Health is Easy. You just have to Eat, Move, Sleep, Connect & Think in ways that promote it.

What's hard is changing habits. It requires that you have the right information & the right support. This is why I became a Primal Health Coach - to equip women with exactly what they need so that they can be free from pain, excess weight & stress & start living again.

If all this is ringing bells, I have good news. I currently have 2 spaces available. Get in touch for a free, no ob Ask-Me-Anything coaching call. This is my passion and I'm here to motivate you. 🙋🏻‍♀️
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How goegeous are these flowers? Last year I had th How goegeous are these flowers? Last year I had the idea of putting this big pot beneath the pomegranate tree & planting it with bulbs that would flower before the tree was thick with leaves. I wasn’t expecting it to be so glorious. 

How amazing are those red and yellow flame tulips! The pink ones, they’re from the year before. I didn’t think they’d flower again, but I thought, nothing to lose... & look -.decadent, ravishing beauty!

🙏 They remind of the way Thich Nhat Hanh recounts the Buddha’s teaching of happiness, healing & cultivating flowers. It goes like this:

🌷 In our unconscious, there are the seeds of both beautiful & ugly flowers.

🌷 If we want to be happy, we must choose to cultivate the beautiful flowers. We have to provide them with the conditions that they need to germinate & bloom: sun, soil, water, fertilizer.

😢 The ugly flowers - those negative & painful emotions & patterns - will also germinate & grow when the conditions are right. So when you notice them, don’t ignore them. Don’t suppress them or try to eradicate them, because they’re a part of you. And being a part of you, they’re precious. So acknowledge them. Treat them with compassion & tenderness until, like a baby crying in the arms of it’s mamma, they settle down again. When they’ve quietened, put them back to bed. 🤗

🌷 Then go back to cultivating your beautiful flowers. 

— 

🦋 If you’re holding in your hand the seeds of health, freedom & joy, what do you want the flowers to look like?
🦋 When do you want them to flower? 
 🦋 What conditions do they need in order to grow?

Share in the comments! 🐝

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#mygardenflowers #mygardenismyhappyplace #tulips🌷#tulipseason #motivationalposts #motivationalthoughts  #motivationsunday #personalgrowthtips #holistichealthcoach #yogaandmeditation #buddhaquotes #buddhateachings #buddhalove #stresslesslivemore #stressless #stressreduction #inflammationrelief #arthritisrelief #jointpainrelief #fibromyalgiawarrior #backacherelief #chronicpainwarrior #holistichealthandwellness #holistichealthcare #healingyourself #healingnaturally #healingheart #healingfromtrauma #womenencouragingwomen #womenover40
This was lunch today: Low carb, quality protein an This was lunch today: Low carb, quality protein and hidden healthy fats. I made a marinade of olive oil, lemon juice, salt, fresh ginger, fresh rosemary and chives and soaked the steak in it for about half an hour.

Then I pan fried pumpkin in butter! So good.

The leaves are the hearts of various types of radicchio - here in Italy, we love our bitter greens. The salad is doused with extra virgin olive oil.

After this gorgeous plate, we had a small fruit salad (half a banana, a quarter apple and half a kiwi is enough for both of us) topped with grated coconut, chunky coconut chips, thick coconut cream AND.... a spoonful of collagen for extra healing.

So, the hidden healthy fats: butter, extra virgin olive oil, coconut everything.

What did you have (or what are you preparing) for lunch today? How are you adding healthy fats?

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#healthyfoodchoices #healthyfoodblog #healthyfoodtips #lowcarbideas #lowcarbdinner #lowcarblunch #lowcarbdieta #lowcarbfoods #lowcarbhighfatdiet #lowcarbweightloss #lowcarbpaleo #paleodieta #paleoitalia #paleolife #paleoliving #paleolowcarb #autoimmunepaleo #autoimmunewarrior #autoimmunewellness #eatfatloseweight #eatingright #eathealthyfood #eatfattolosefat #womenshealthmatters #womensbusiness #womensupportingwomen❤️ #womanbefabulous #paleoreset31 #primalhealthcoach #healwithfood
Relieved. Amazed. Visibly healing. And because of Relieved. Amazed. Visibly healing. And because of this, feeling confident, lucid and bold. This is how Sandra is presenting right now. Before she started, she was anxious, confused, in chronic pain, frustrated from lack of explanations and feeling horribly unattractive because of the outbreaks on her skin. 

The most amazing message that I received from Sandra three weeks into her health reset was this: "I said, "No". For the first time ever, I said, "No, I'm not available".

It was such a breakthrough. Psychologically, emotionally, energetically. Coming into her power.

We are holistic beings, and simple changes can ripple through the various aspects of our lives. When Sandra gave her body the nutrition it needed to heal, her immune system had a chance to settle down. The symptoms of her fibromyalgia dissipated. The painful cysts began to fade away. She made broth broth and integrated collagen into her diet, and her skin, she says, is renewed. Her sleep improved. She naturally started waking up an hour before the kids, and immediately started dedicating that time on her own to self care, yoga and meditation.

She's cooking healthy meals and her family is loving her for it. She's able to do all the daily things again - like, housework and exercise - without pain. She's feeling stronger: physically, mentally and emotionally.

She's putting herself first, asking for help, prioritizing her health... and learning how to say,"No."

I'm so happy for her. Transformations like this are incredible to witness.

And I feel so blessed. It’s amazing to have people trust you enough that they’re willing to invest in your support & follow your advice even though some suggestions may seem strange... 

If you're suffering from chronic pain - muscles, joints, tendons, nerves, digestion - and if you want to heal and manage it all naturally, then jump to my bio and click through. Get in touch. I know what's it like to live with the stress of unexplained pain, and I love helping women heal and start living again.
The way you start the day impacts upon how the res The way you start the day impacts upon how the rest of the day unfolds: Is this true for you? It is for me.

My morning wake-up and get ready routine looks like this:

🐝 I get up when my eyes open, around 6.30am.
☕️ Coffee and a magazine on the couch (with 🐾).
🧘🏻‍♀️ Meditation, 25 minutes.
🍳 Breakfast, proteine and fat.
🌿 Walk, stretching, nature.

All that done (& the bed made, dishes washed etc), I'm at the desk around 9am, happy to have made time for myself, spirit, body and mind.

What's your Morning Routine? Are you happy with it? If not, how would you like it to be different?

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#morningmotivation #motivationeveryday #motivationiskey #morningroutines #morningmeditation #morningwalks #morningcoffee☕️#paleobreakfast #starttheday #startthedayright #womanbefabulous #paleoreset31 #primalhealthcoach #womanshealthcoach #paleodietlifestyle #stresslesslivemore #inflammationrelief #autoimmunepaleo #arthritisrelief #inflammationfighter #immunesystemsupport #chronicpain #holistichealthyliving #womenempoweringwomen #bossbabemindset #healyourselfnaturally #yourhealthisyourwealth #girlbosslifestyle
Are you celebrating this day as the perfect time t Are you celebrating this day as the perfect time to start? To break through, break free & expand into a new aspect of your life?

🐣 It happens to all of us: the safe space where we’ve been living and growing all of a sudden becomes cramped & uncomfortable.

So we have no choice but to start tapping through the shell of our comfort zone.

🐣 It’s not easy because we’re not sure what’s on the other side. But it has to be done.

🤔 How’s your mindset as you approach this situation? Full of fear and apprehension? Or excitement, trust and enthusiasm?

🐣 Who is going to help you, encourage you & support you as you make your way through?
🐣 Who is waiting for you on the other side?

🐥How are you going to feel when you get there?

When you look back, why will Easter 2021 be significant for you?

Share a little about your new project, practice or perspective - empower the energy!💪💃🏻

#easter #easter2021 #newbeginnings❤️ #newprojects #newyou #rebirth #renew #positivemindpositivelife #motivational #createyourlife #womensupportingwomen #womenshealthcoach #primalhealthcoach #healyourbody #healyourlife #spiritmindbody #holistichealthcoach #holisticwellness #holisticlifestyle #holisticliving #healthylifestyle #personalgrowth❤️ #bossbabemindset #womencoachingwomen #womenempowerment #womeninbiz #reachforyourgoals #breakthrough #reachforthestars #womanbefabulous
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Hi there, I'm Angie. I help women heal from Pain, Stress, Excess Weight, Burnout, Autoimmune & Allergies... Naturally & Forever.
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